(noun, etymology Dutch from ‘boedel’: estate, possession, inheritance, stock.). 1. Crowd, pack, lot, as in ‘the whole boodle.’ 2. a. Counterfeit money b. Money acquired or spent illegally or improperly, particularly when used in bribery for political purposes. 3. Slang for money in general.

Money Dick or the Great Green Whale

Posted on: Mar. 8, 2011  |  By: Ronnie Kahn  |  Category: General

Call me Emael.  Some years ago, having little or no money in my purse, and, nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see how the internet had changed the watery part of the money world.  I signed onto the RSS Pequod.  My Captain was a man named Ahub and he had a monomaniacal quest to find Money Dick, the Great Green Whale.  Ahub’s quest became mine as I too had taken an oath of violence and revenge on that murderous monster.

My first task was to help the First Mate, Google, to Search the vast serene ocean they call The Pacific.  Our first destination was to head toward the Gulf Of Algorithms.  It was a lonely and alien world that Google helped make sense of, which I entered into the captain’s log, known as Facebook.  The winds began to stream from the east so we put the ship in heave-to and while the halyards shook I was calmed that many of the crew knew the ropes when it came to money.  I made a note in Facebook to Like Money.  The gunwale was strong and the downloads were quick.

Our fates soon changed though.  After a great recession, there seemed to be nothing to earn money on in this blighted and remorseless ocean and we hadn’t seen any sea creatures in quite some time either.  In such expanse, all the corners of the world seem to blend together and the God-fearing mate Starbuck swore to make money on every one of them.   Pip, the cabin boy, was confined to the ships Hold.  He thought he would look scarier using eyeliner and received the customary lashes.  He said from down there it was the Gates of Hell through the Windows porthole.  He was also fond of saying that he knew a jungle where you’d find anything you wanted when it came to buying things with money.  He said they had the knowledge to find the whale’s Long Tail there.  He called it The Amazon and it was also a river with an open source.  He said it was one of his Favorites.

There were three primitive harpooners onboard.  For Daggoo, the Line was his Code.  He was so swift; he could take a Pole Online.  Toggle, could turn a spear into a hook and back again.  It was rumored he could Surf with his Net and once caught a blue ray.  His whole life was phishing.  He was only part man with the other part bivalve, saltwater in his veins with blood known only as Type E.  He was fond of drinking a black licorice grog that he called a blog.

Queequeg, the last harpooner, lamented that even if we were to find treasure, Captain Ahub’s chase wouldn’t allow us to be sidetracked.  No one would be allowed to attach a harpoon Online with the intention of buying something when the great monster was still out there.  The Captain did allow us to buy and sell in the Hold but we could only buy blue jeans once per year when there was an annual sale.  He called it a great Levi-A-Thon.

After scrolling for what seemed like eternity, we finally had our first sighting of the great creature.  Queequeg got the harpoon ready but stabbed at nothing as we had lost the whale but I did note the poke on Facebook.  Ahub felt if we kept this up, we would soon be bankrupt and would end up in the Seas of Assets.  I pointed out that we would never be completely broke since we still have the Quarter Deck.  Ahub decided that in order to make money, we would set-up a Pequod web site and designed a beautiful Masthead.  A good hook reels them in.  Sure enough the hits kept growing and the ad revenue kept coming in.  To celebrate our success we stopped in an unknown chain of islands where we had a Wiki-lau, a great party that everyone contributed to.

That night, the old man stepped forth from the scuttle and declared a whale must be near.  “I knew Money was in these waters.” Ahub cried.  “Now let’s find out who wants to be a millionaire!” as a dazzling hump disappeared alongside the ship.  With oars apeak, the birds hovered as all awaited Money Dicks return.  The crews heart beat as one, all a-Twitter at a pulse of 140.  Then there was a cry of “Man Overboard” as the whale struck the starboard.  “Throw him a Life Line,” someone called out.  “Never mind.  Sail on and keep after Money Dick,” interjected Ahub.   Left overboard to fend for himself, his only chance left was to phone a Budd.  Money Dick descended, tearing the rigging from the ship as her greenback deflated.

On the third day of the chase, the Great Whale came from the deep.  “She breaches, there she breaches.” Ahab cried.  Ahab was lowered down from an uneven keel as the helmsman turned the ship abeam.  He put his complete weight on his ivory leg and pierced Moby Dick’s hump with his spear.  His good leg dodged the surging rope as the stricken beast flew forward but the line ran afoul and wrapped itself around Ahub’s neck.  Ahub’s captive form was dragged down and the ship along with him so that even in death, he chases the beast.

I alone survived to tell thee tale.  The story may seem one of Money being good versus evil but that skips the conflicts true meaning of greed and pride and willpower against the universe.  Life is a journey and not a chase.  What makes a great journey is to have a great crew.  On one winsome night I saw “Ah(u)b dropped a tear into the sea; nor did all the Pacific contain such wealth as that one wee drop.” [i] Due to the great power of the internet, the leviathan was no longer where the real money was to be found.  The lesson was not to follow the creature but to get the best crew you could and follow the krill.  If you can find the krill than you can find the treasure and live on the Cape Horn of Plenty that most of you will know as the City of paradise.  We will call this place Mel Ville.


Your job is to go through this blog post on the changing narrative of money and find as many references to Herman Melville, computers and online terms, along with money puns as you can. See if you can find them all.

 

[1] Melville, Herman, Moby-Dick Or, The Whale, W.W. Norton & Co., New York, 1976 edition. Page 528.

 

One Comment

  • Susan Brown says:

    I counted at least 30 references, but I’m not sure if I counted any more than once, or if I was supposed to count them each time I encountered them, or if that counts as a count (or countess, as the case may be).

    So what do I win?

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