Meet Manny Manager. He is an all-thumbs (and way too big too), always-in-a-hurry Money Manager with no sense of humor and very little idea of what the context of any conversation is. Being so busy, he also communicates mainly through text messages but unfortunately for his clients his phone is equipped with one of those auto-correcting, T-9 type fill-in the word functions. As some of you may know, there are hilarious websites and books devoted to the problems of auto-correcting messages. The ghost-in-the-machine seems to love the nonsense that comes from changing a letter or word and the often off-color, lewd, and mind-in-the-gutter discourse that it spews out. We have included some of Manny Manager’s recent text messages to his always left in stitches clients. After Manny’s typed out version, we have included a bracketed version of what Manny meant to write.
Client #1
What’s a good investment, right now?
Manny Manager
It’s a beer market [bear market]
Client #1
How do you trade that?
Manny Manager
Use a hump hops [stop loss]
Client #1
Beer? Why not wine?
Manny Manager
Cork [cost]
Client #1
Next thing you will be telling me is that I need to hold my illegal drugs in a Joint Account. What I mean is what investment looks attractive for me to have?
Manny Manager
Blue cute [blue chip]
Client #1
Whatever, then how do I get out of the financial mess I’m in now?
Manny Manager
Burrow [borrow]
Client #1
I can dig that. What investments burrow?
Manny Manager
I already told you? The Fox [DOW]
Client #1
What does an animal have to do with it?
Manny Manager
Farm Money [Easy Money]. You could also do a Geese Fund [Hedge Fund]. They have a good bug [avg]
Client #1
Is that just on paper? As in flypaper.
Manny Manager
No, it’s a seal asset [real asset]. I can get you a stove [quote] if you like.
Client #1
Can I own it in a trust?
Manny Manager
Even a Rabbit trust [Rabbi Trust*]. Or you can try a small car [small cap]
Client #1
I am confused. Should I buy or sell right now?
Manny Manager
It depends on your Disney income? [earned income]
Client #1
So, I should sell Disney?
Manny Manager
It could be a good cry [hold-buy]. Also there is your dumb asses [fund asset] unless you use a punch [stock]. Some type of casino [action] makes sense.
Client #2
Who does your taxes?
Manny Manager
My BRA [CPA]
Client #3
Do you think the Fed will try and stimulate the economy?
Manny Manager
Not to worry. Live for Mom [now], as they say.
Client #3
I am not sure I am following
Manny Manager
Just worry about yourself right now
Client #3
So you mean self-stimulation? Is that what Adam Smith meant by the invisible hand?
Client #4
What did you have to do when you lost the bet?
Manny Manager
Gay Up [Pay up]
Client #4
What?
Manny Manager
Yeah, it really screwed with my cash blow [flow]. It wasn’t good for my Fannie either.
Client #5
What kind of work does that guy do?
Manny Manager
Pro bone [pro bono]
Client #5
(laughing to himself)
What kind of asset is that, hey
Manny Manager
(unknowingly)
Hard asset.
Client #5
How do you start a business like that?
Manny Manager
Pubic Offering [public offering]
Client #5
Does he have to declare that income?
Client #6
What type of pills are deductible?
Manny Manager
Vitamins can be a opium med [write off]
Client #7
Who should I get a loan with?
Manny Manager
Your broke [broker]
Client #7
Isn’t there any loan I should get?
Manny Manager
Mixed [fixed] but it depends on your meat loaf [debt load]. You could take a loan and use it as a genie [hedge] providing the estimate was done right.
Client #7
What kind of estimate?
Manny Manager
Good fairy [faith]
Client #8
How does the rental investment work?
Manny Manager
I think for you they will make it Wet Wet [net net]. The income is a good blow [flow] and a good salve [value] that works like a come [bond]. Plus good leverage with a VAG moan [VA Loan]. I can show you a Iraqi [graph]. At least it’s not based on some doodoo [voodoo] economics. That way it won’t turn into a toxic asses [asset]
Client #8
You may just have to wear that over your pink slip.
Manny Manager
Sink Skip? [pink slip].
Client #8
Just forget it, will ya?
We would love to hear from you if you have any funny or unusual auto-correct faux paus.
* a Rabbi Trust is a trust where employee compensation is put into a trust to defer taxation and receipt of income. It is usually used for deferred comp or non-qualified plans. Its name is derived from the original IRS case where a synagogue was involved.
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